RING! RING!
“Hi
honey. Yes, Christmas is almost here. I am so excited. I’m going
shopping after church. So
far, I think that we have gifts for all your relatives and most of mine.
We still need to get my aunt and uncle something really nice,
since they let us stay with them this summer. And I’ve gotten daughter
dear a big gift and a small one, but we will need some little things for
her stocking and we need to get treats for the animals.
Oh, and we can’t forget that
Keisha’s present can’t cost more than Tommy’s. You know, I didn’t want
to spend more than $100.00 but that just isn’t going to work. I’ll have
to put stuff on my credit cards. We have parties this week and we really
should bring a little something with us. Maybe we can bake some cookies.
Oh. I got a nice little Christmas card tucked in the newspaper
yesterday, so I guess that means we should give the newspaper deliverer
a gift. And the mail carrier.
Do they give gifts to the garbage folks out here?
Oh, and I almost forgot, the dance teacher and the angel tree.
Toys for Tots if we can.
We promised to get together with the neighbors on Thursday, but
we have that other party, maybe we could do both.
You know if we don’t go to Justin and Mary’s maybe we won’t have
to buy them a gift. We have tickets to the U of E basketball games on
Tuesday and Friday night, and we are wrapping gifts for the homeless on
Wednesday next week. We have to visit with my family and your family and
I’d really like to spend some alone time with you.
If we take off a couple of days maybe we can fit everything in.
Okay, I’ll see you after I get done shopping. Should be home
about seven or eight if I’m lucky, but luckily, most of the stores are
open until midnight tonight. Bye. Love you.”
Just in case you think I might be going overboard, I will quote some
Gift Giving Rules taken from Unplug the Christmas Machine[1].
Before you laugh at my dilemma, see how many of these rules you honor.
1.
Give
a gift to everyone you expect to get one from.
2.
If
someone gives you a gift unexpectedly, reciprocate that year. You might
want to keep a few pre-wrapped generic gifts just such an occasion.
3.
When
you add a name to your gift list, give that person a gift every year
thereafter.
4.
Gifts exchanged between adults should be roughly equal in value.
5.
The
amount of money you spend on a gift determines how much you care about
the recipient.
6.
If
you give a gift to a person in one category (for example a coworker or
neighbor), give a gift to everyone in that category, and these gifts
should be similar in value.
Unfortunately, too often, we do too much. We immerse ourselves in
holiday preparation rituals which consume our time and energy. We worry
about our obligations. Too often we attempt to buy every possible gift,
attend every party, visit every one of our friends and relatives and
have the perfect holiday rituals in our own homes.
This
treadmill is our existence for the holidays.
Some of us are proud of the fact that we are excellent multi-taskers,
able to fit in a jillion tasks in the shortest amount of time possible.
We can bake a pie, supervise homework, listen to NPR and do the
bills simultaneously. What
a feat! But are we also
aware of the persistent fatigue that accompanies these routines?
How often have I been utterly exhausted after the holidays?
I’ve gained ten pounds. I’m tired and sluggish and all I want is
a good rest.
Thomas Merton speaks so eloquently to this point when he speaks of the
violence that we do to ourselves by overextending.
He wrote:
The rush and pressure of modern life are a form, perhaps the most common
form, of innate violence. To allow oneself to be carried away by a
multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to
commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in
everything is to succumb to violence. More than that, it is
cooperation with violence. The frenzy of the activist neutralizes his
work for peace. It destroys her own inner capacity for peace.
It destroys the fruitfulness of his own work because it kills the root
of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful.[2]
Merton was speaking of activists, yet his words ring true in all times.
When we submit to the hustle and bustle of overactivity without
reflection, it neutralizes our actions and destroys our inner capacity
for peace.
How do we get off the treadmill?
Is there a way to remove ourselves from the hustle and bustle
that fills the air and the air waves.
Yes, yes, there is.
We can re-create a sense of the season, a sense of….
Waiting. It’s a bit
uncomfortable at first, isn’t it? But this is the season of waiting, of
advent, before the coming.
Holly W. Whitcomb in the Seven Spiritual Gifts of Waiting[3]
notes:
“I hate waiting just about as much as anything in this world.
I will not eat at a restaurant if I have to stand and wait.
I will not even approach a freeway entrance if there is any
possibility I will have to sit in traffic....
I obviously could use a good dose of Advent.
The season of Advent, more than any other time in the church year,
invites us to embrace the spiritual discipline of waiting.
The season will not be rushed.
The carols must be sung, the candles lighted week by week and the
doors of the Advent Calendar must be opened day by day...
Every stage of our lives involves some new form of waiting.
When our children are tiny, we wait years for a good night’s
sleep. When our children
are toddlers, we wait eagerly for the time when they will no longer wear
diapers... When our
children are teenagers, we often wait anxiously until we hear the front
door close and know they are safely home...
If we welcome waiting as a spiritual discipline, waiting will present
its spiritual gifts if we are conscious enough and courageous enough to
name them and live into them.”
Waiting is a time of reflection and preparation.
For
some of us, in this season it is the symbolic birth of a prophet, a
messiah, one who is called God.
For others it is the time between the harvest and the new growth.
When we listen to TS Eliot’s Journey of the Magi, we ponder with the
magi, the interrelatedness of
birth and death. Each birth is accompanied by the death of an old way;
it is a new beginning. For
many of us the season is the renewal of a hope for a more loving and
compassionate world.
Historically, Advent began in the fourth century in France, probably
from Celtic monks. In its earliest form it was a period of preparation
for the Feast of the Epiphany with an emphasis on prayer and fasting. In
581 the local council in Macon France
designated the period between the
Feast of St. Martin of Tours until Christmas as a period of fasting
every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Eventually similar practices appeared.
The practice spread to Rome in the sixth century as a preparation
for Christmas with less of a penitential bent. By the tenth century it
was fully a time of preparation and devotion. It wasn’t until the
twentieth century that joy became a central tenet of the period.
And yet, even as the Church initiated rites of preparation and
devotion, the seasonal calendar was somewhat at odds with rituals.
Environmentally, in many parts of the world, advent is the beginning of
the cold season. For years,
cold weather meant that animals could now be slaughtered for food. You
see, during most of the year, very little meat was consumed for, if
animals were killed, the meat could not be safely stored and it would
spoil quickly. Often
folks were close to starvation. Cold weather meant the arrival of an
extended time to eat meat.
Cold weather meant that the harvests which folks had struggled with
throughout the growing season was finally in.
This was the most plentiful time of the year for food.
Additionally, beer and wine were now sufficiently fermented for
consumption. Couple these
wonderful coincidences with the fact that, in an agricultural community,
the coming days were a time for rest, when not much work needed to be
done. For the next few
months there would be plenty of time for rest, reflection, catching up
and planning. Is it no
wonder that the harvest parties got pretty wild?
And
so, for many, many years we have had this conundrum, these competing
pressures to, on the one hand, somberly prepare for the spiritual
wakening which Christmas represents versus, on the other hand, the urge
to heartily celebrate the joy of a completed harvest and the coming
holiday.
The
search for balance has been particularly difficult in America. Many
early Puritans felt were Calvinists. They envisioned a strict adherence
to the bible, a devout demeanor and a restriction of recreational
activities. So, they
outlawed the celebration of Christmas and made practicing it punishable
by a five schilling fine.
[4]
“They made a particular point of keeping the courts and public
offices open throughout the season. It was to be just another workday.”
[5]
As
you might expect, it was difficult even for the Puritans to take the
partying out of Christmas and the festivities continued despite laws and
complaints. In fact, with
the industrial revolution, the crush of urbanization and unemployment
violence became an unwelcome element of the celebrations.
What could be done to tone down the revelry in this holiday
season?
Clement C. Moore, a Unitarian professor of Oriental and Greek literature
at Columbia University tried to give us another vision.
In 1823, Moore wrote a poem called “A Visit from St. Nicholas.”
Some say that this one poem, which gave parents a vision of what
Christmas was supposed to look like, created an entire mythology which
has been used in this country as a model for the perfect Christmas ever
since. It suggested Santa
in a red suit, reindeer complete with names, and stockings filled to the
brim. Popularly, we now
know this poem as “Twas The Night Before Christmas.”
Soon, instead of complaints about the over hearty partying of the
adults, the new Puritan complaint was against selfishness and greed,
consumerism corrupting the children.
Unitarian minister named Charles
Follen of Lexington MA began setting up a Christmas tree in 1835.[6]
This was a tradition of his native Germany and he wanted his son
Charley to see its beauty.
It was hoped that the tree and not gifts would become the central
“surprise” of the holiday.
It was also hoped that gift giving on the part of the children
would become just as important as gift receiving.
One
might argue that Clement and Follen were attempting to return the
holiday to its more spiritual roots; others argue that their attempts
were to popularly secularize the holiday.
Both views have their proponents. What is clear is that several
traditions abound simultaneously and that each has evolved over time.
Casting St. Nick as a jolly old, caring man, was an attempt not to
commercialize Christmas but, rather, to return to the custom of joyous
celebration of family and bounty.
And that it did, but then, for some, bounty became the most
important element. Santa
was followed by the advent of the Christmas tree.
The Christmas tree was supposed to bring back a sense of mystery,
surprise and awe to the season, which it did, before it was
commercialized, perhaps beyond repair.
The beautiful candles professing our procession from darkness to
light has turned into a Hollywood extravaganza of competitive
commercialism.
What
then is the reason for the season? Is it important to make meaning for
this period? I vote yes!
It is spiritually worth the effort to balance our spiritual
yearnings with the festivals of celebration.
To
balance ourselves we must refrain from self abuse.
We must, I must, become aware of the violence that I am doing to
myself during this overextended season.
Truly, consumerism has globally infected our beings over the last
century. And yet this is not a blame game. Who does not want to play
with the new toys? Who does
not want to be on the cutting edge?
Who wants to miss the excitement of the latest inventions,
discoveries and novelties.
What I must realize, though, is that this push to know, to be included,
is part of the violence to myself.
Newsflash! We cannot know everything.
We cannot keep up with everything.
There are only so many plates that one can balance and only for
so long. Then, even though
I can continue to balance, I am off balance.
The energy expended no longer matches the reward.
Almost two hundred years ago another Unitarian tried to show us the way.
He wrote a Christmas book that attempted to show the importance
of compassion and generosity in this giving season.
He did this through having the main character reflect on the
person he had been and the person he would surely be if he did not
change his ways. I’m sure
that you recognize the story. It is
A Christmas Carol by Charles
Dickens.
Ebeneezer Scrooge returns us to the topic of the day. Certainly, it is
easy to see the violence that he did to himself through his lifestyle.
Truly, it was significant for him, to review his values and actions so
that he could know himself better and figure out what was really
essential to him. This was his period of preparation for change.
It was not easy to face behaviors that were not so becoming, that
caused pain to others, that satisfied spurious needs.
Yet, without that period, that waiting period, that reflective
journey, he could not be reborn.
What
does it take to enter into that waiting period?
How can you center yourself during this time?
Could it be through listening?
Perhaps to the Hallelujah Chorus, the songs at the mall, the
birds in the park. What
happens when you are in the midst of the hustling and bustling and you
sit and close your eyes.
Perhaps for you it might be turning the lights off and lighting a
candle, that brings a sense of peace.
Perhaps it is a walk in the late evening, lifting your eyes to
the stars. Perhaps that
feeling of awe comes when you are sharing with family. Now is the time
to prepare for it. Perhaps
saying gratitudes together lends a sense of awe to the meal.
Perhaps it is going around the table and sharing or reading out
loud. Is there a good time
to hold hands or sing together? Would saying an evening prayer center
the moment? You might try writing a little about the people that are
important to you, with the intention of sharing it on Christmas. Perhaps
family members could pick a room and later, after a time to reflect,
share the good times that the room holds for them.
Perhaps the greatest preparation you can do for the holiday is to
rest fully so that you can partake fully in the joys of the season.
Perhaps you have had a loss this year – a job, a friend, a
relationship, a pet, or a relative.
How will you weave this loss into the fabric of the holiday.
How will you hold the memories, the fears and the sadness? Now is
the time to prepare.
On
the plane this week I asked my seatmates what was the one thing that
made Christmas special to them.
My family said one.
My daughter said the other, “It’s all about my daughter.”
We chatted for a few minutes and then the subject changed. Five
hours later, as they de-planed, one of the gentlemen turned and thanked
me for asking the question, noting that it had been important for him.
I turn that question now to each of you, what one two or even
three things must you have in order to make this holiday season a good
one. I invite you to wait and prepare, to put your energy where it truly
matters and develop new rituals, ones that most fulfill the yearnings of
your heart. Then joy will certainly rise and you will be at peace with
the universe.
May
it be so.
